Tuesday, November 18, 2003
What. The. Fark.
I was pulling out a dollar bill from my moneyclip today (yeah, I know, only old men and animated ducks with the surname McDuck use those....don't mock me until you try it, I'll never go back to a wallet) and I hearn an unfamiliar sound.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP.
I actually tore a new $1 bill. I've never done that before. Which is odd, considering how many dollar bills I must have mishandled throughout the years. Furthermore, I've never seen it done in real life by anyone other than a stage magician. I've always assumed it took enormous strength, as the stuff is more akin to clothing than paper. Hell, it's more indestrucatble than most clothing I know of, even those stupid yuppie Columbia clothes.
Apparently, I either have acquired massive quantities of muscle mass, or I stand corrected on my previously held beliefs.
My dreams are no more, fie, fie.
In closing, "PI PI PI....." Guess the game, and you get a cookie.
I was pulling out a dollar bill from my moneyclip today (yeah, I know, only old men and animated ducks with the surname McDuck use those....don't mock me until you try it, I'll never go back to a wallet) and I hearn an unfamiliar sound.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP.
I actually tore a new $1 bill. I've never done that before. Which is odd, considering how many dollar bills I must have mishandled throughout the years. Furthermore, I've never seen it done in real life by anyone other than a stage magician. I've always assumed it took enormous strength, as the stuff is more akin to clothing than paper. Hell, it's more indestrucatble than most clothing I know of, even those stupid yuppie Columbia clothes.
Apparently, I either have acquired massive quantities of muscle mass, or I stand corrected on my previously held beliefs.
My dreams are no more, fie, fie.
In closing, "PI PI PI....." Guess the game, and you get a cookie.
Monday, November 17, 2003
Blinded by the light...wrapped up like a mmn, mmmm hmm hmmmm hmmmm....
I looked up the words to that song the other day, so I can be cooler than anyone else in the bar when it comes on the jukebox and I can sing it.... and promptly forgot them. I do recal them being incredibly random and worthless though.
This picture has nothing to do with anything. But it's Monday, and I'm bored. Thus, boobies. For those that care, this is scream queen extrodinaire Miss Kim
Yup, Mk@t is right. We've started to lose steam here, and it's mainly my fault. Because really, who else updates this thing? I have only myself to blame... well, that and the process of getting a new business off the ground. I've been pretty busy getting fOKUS Graphic Design up and running, and working on projects for various clients. So far, so good. There is the slight problem of people paying me in a timely fashion, but at least, in the end, I DO get paid. What's on the agenda for today's rant, then? A favorite subject of mine: independance.
So you're 24-27, have a good (read: you're not licking welfare stamps for nutrition) job, and ...... you still live with your parents. Good for you. I know that some of these people claim that they're doing it "to save money, it's too expensive to live on my own". Bullshit. If grad students getting paid 23k/yr can do it, so can you. So unclench your jaw, pull the tit out of your mouth, and LIVE. I can't imagine still living with my parents-- I'd be embarrased to admit that I was still letting mommy buy all my groceries. I understand some people have student loans, and some have car payments, and some have vacations to pay for. Well, here's my helpful step-by-step guide to allowing fiscal independance:
So there you have it, quick and dirty life help from the master. If you fail to follow this advice, I will strap you to a clothes drying pole and spin you at approximatly 200 MPH by attaching a big-block motor to the base. And the only thing that will bring me more joy than watching the expression on your face as I do so will be the thud I feel when I stop you with a shovel.
I looked up the words to that song the other day, so I can be cooler than anyone else in the bar when it comes on the jukebox and I can sing it.... and promptly forgot them. I do recal them being incredibly random and worthless though.
Yup, Mk@t is right. We've started to lose steam here, and it's mainly my fault. Because really, who else updates this thing? I have only myself to blame... well, that and the process of getting a new business off the ground. I've been pretty busy getting fOKUS Graphic Design up and running, and working on projects for various clients. So far, so good. There is the slight problem of people paying me in a timely fashion, but at least, in the end, I DO get paid. What's on the agenda for today's rant, then? A favorite subject of mine: independance.
So you're 24-27, have a good (read: you're not licking welfare stamps for nutrition) job, and ...... you still live with your parents. Good for you. I know that some of these people claim that they're doing it "to save money, it's too expensive to live on my own". Bullshit. If grad students getting paid 23k/yr can do it, so can you. So unclench your jaw, pull the tit out of your mouth, and LIVE. I can't imagine still living with my parents-- I'd be embarrased to admit that I was still letting mommy buy all my groceries. I understand some people have student loans, and some have car payments, and some have vacations to pay for. Well, here's my helpful step-by-step guide to allowing fiscal independance:
- Loans are meant to be paid back over time; do so, instead of scraping every last penny and going toilet diving for the erstwhile dime to add a dollar onto the amount you pay each month. When you get a better paying job, you can worry about it then. The number one complaint people still attached by an umbiliccal cord have is that they could live on thier own, but if they did they'd have to spend all thier money on loans and never have fun. I say to them "Nay." Look, debt is the American way of life. You're ALWAYS going to have debt....especially if you plan on buying a house or having little tit-suckers of your own. Get used to it now, and it'll be more comfortable later.
- Stop buying stupid shit like new cars. Every fucking person I know that is still living at home has a car no more than 2 years old. And they bought it new. THAT'S JUST PLAIN DUMB. Cars deprciate quicker than a hooker's love evaporates, so why put yourself through that? Buy a 4 year old car, and put the extra money towards new furniture for your place, or pay more on your loan so I can stop listening to you bitch and moan about how much sand the bank keeps kicking into your vagina.
- Stop going on vacations you can't afford. Most of these people are taking month-long excursions to search for the world's largest inflatable sheep in the mountains of Tibet, and that does NOT help you. At all. Life is meant to be lived, this is true-- but there is plenty of other shit to do right here in the good ol' USA that is shitloads cheaper than paying a sherpa to carry you from Switzerland to Southeast Asia. Take a road trip, visit a bar in every state, shot'n'walk the whole way across Route 66, I don't care. When you're a little older and have a better paying job, you'll have plenty of time to sip rum off the tits of an authentic Mayan princess in Chile, and you'll appreciate it more because you worked for it.
- Rent what you can afford. Yeah, renting a place sucks, because you're getting fuck-all for your money and have nothing to show for it when you leave, but it's a reality when you're a 20-something and live in a city. And it ain't cheap to rent, either... for what we pay a month, I could have a nice mortgage anywhere else. But hey, I'm not ready yet, and it's my money, so piss off. This is about your worthless ass, anyway. Don't try to rent a spacious 4 bedroom palace overlooking the poshest part of town-- this falls under the "don't buy stupid shit" category. If you claim to not be able to afford moving out, there is no way you'll be able to pay a few grand a month in rent for a palace in the cool area of town, and if you can and do I will personally come to your place, drink all your beer, and kick your ass. Free of charge. What the fuck do you need more than an efficiency for anyway? You've been living in your parent's house, in the single bedroom you've had since you were born, so why would you suddenly need the Taj Mahal?
- Get therapy. If you're still living at home when you're pulling in a combined income (if you've a significant other, or potential roomate) of over 40k, you obviously have some separation issues. Or are completely incapable of handing the normal duties of a human being beyond bathing, such as cooking and laundry. Either way, it's worth it to get yourself unfucked, because you're going to have to do scary things that have consequences, like pay bills on time. What kills me is that 90% of these fucktards went away for college, so they are obviously capable of at least basic life maintainence.
So there you have it, quick and dirty life help from the master. If you fail to follow this advice, I will strap you to a clothes drying pole and spin you at approximatly 200 MPH by attaching a big-block motor to the base. And the only thing that will bring me more joy than watching the expression on your face as I do so will be the thud I feel when I stop you with a shovel.
